In the first post I wrote roughly 2 years ago I mentioned that I would share my good times and bad times. I also mentioned that the odds where stacked against me to fail. This post is a recap of what went wrong more importanley how to fix it.
Unfortunaley I have had a major set back on my mission to kick drugs for good, stay out of jail, work for my slef, and teach other recovering addicts and felons how to do the same thing. I relapsed, caught another charge and ended up back in jail in the very cell it all started with. Humbling to say the least. This post will recap where I think I went wrong and more importatnley what Im doing to get back up, dust my self off and give it another go.
When I look back some of the decision I made are obviousley wrong and some may not be my fault. How I handled them is the key to understanding what went wrong and the future decision I make are just as importatn to getting back in the sadle again. (Anyone else humming AC/DC right now? lol) So let’s get started!
I came out of jail the first time on top of the world. I was sober and finished the Mrt program fairly strong. I had two jobs my own place and was able to move my grandmother in with me instead of a nursing home. I opened a real trading account and had my blog up and running along with various affilate programs in place to make money. I had a plan and was sticking to it. No dating, No drugs, No to anything that would get in the way of me making alot of money from home over the next year. Inspite of all that I was very loney and that was the first crack in the dam.
A childhood friend of mine was going through a rought time and needed a place to stay. Sense my granmother was in the hospital for burns she got from an accident cooking I figured I could help him out for once and It was a good thing to help people I thought. What I didn’t factor in was the fact we had a long history of drug use together and he was actively using. I figured Id been sober over a year and that I could handle it being around. I was wrong! My second job was with him doing tile work and it wasnt long before my drug of choice was in my face everyday at work. One night I decided to take a little so we could fininsh the job and get paid early. Big mistake! I maintained for a while before it started affecting my life again. Mentally it was a huge blow.
Then an old friend who happened to be a good looking girl was in trouble and I invited her to stay wtih me a couple days until she could figure things out. Just so happens her drug of choice was the same as mine and it wasn’t long before I was’nt so lonely anymore. The drug and the relationship began to chip[ away at my plan to succeed.
The final blow came when a relitve of mine wife died and he didn’t handle it very well. He lost his job and apartment and had no where to go so I invited him to stay with me. A misunderstanding about finaces led to a mild physical altercation and the neighbor called the police. I went to jail. I lost my internet connection and by the time I got home my cell phone was gone and I lost my google password. Things where full circle bad again. It took less than 4 months to tear down one year of hard work to get stable.
I met another girl who was having a rough time and we became an escape from reality together for about a year and a half. We endulged ourself with sex and drugs and my dream slipped futher and futher away from me to the point I became a tad bit sucidal! I basically gave up again and the aftermath was not fun or good.
So here I am back to the starting line. It has been a slow journey back to even writing a post for my blog. The girl came around less and less and I slowed down on the drugs. I started doing small chores and getting out side a little each day doing laundrey. Im lucky I have someone who volunteered to help me get the internet back on and support me until I can get back in the game.
So it’s obvious I made some questionalbe desicions and some of the things that happened seem unavoidalbe. I should of recommended my friend to rehab instead of inabling him and kept my distance form the drugs an girls. Orfcourse my family had to move in but I could have handled the situation without any violence of any sort. At the end of the day I have to take responsibilty for my actions. I’ve paid for the broken law by doing 30 days in county jail. Now I need to make my ammends and get back to work.
Let this post be a warning to anyone fresh out of a program or doing well. Don’t get to cocky or comfortable and protect your plan like your life depended on it. It so easy to slip. Even harder to get back on your feet. You didnt come this far to throw it all way. As for me Im living in the now and taking thing day by day. I have alot of work to do God willing Ill be able to pull it off and teach you how to do it as well. Thanks for haning out for a bit. I hope to see you around the blog reguarey.
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